How is it that what happened 30 years ago can still influence you today? Something happens and that memory is back. How can you separate your childhood from your kids? I have spent so much time trying to do this. I look back at the way I grew up and knew from the beginning that I did not want my kids to go thru the same things I went thru growing up. I have tried so hard to bring my children up to love God and love people. And realize that they are not the center of the world. But there are times, I think that you should be the center of the world. You should have the experience of reaching your goal, achieving your dreams, and shining.
I know that every family has issues but sometimes it feels like difficulty is attached to me and like a leech. I just want the best for my children and I feel like the more I work to accomplish that goal the farther I get from it.
My children are all so awesome in their own way and I want them to first off serve God and second achieve their dream.
Lord help me be the mother you want me to be. Help my children know that God loves them and I do too. And no matter what happens in their lives I will be there to support them and encourage them and just be there for them.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Reflection on 2009
Wow!!! it is hard to believe that 2009 is over. I haven't blogged in months but I have been thinking about doing it more. It is really therapeutic to me because it helps me think thru my life and not only work thru things but see the blessings I have.
Today was an interesting day my 14 year old had a meeting with the youth pastor and another girl at our church. I did not realize there was a problem between the two of them until last Sunday. The girls mom called me to talk about it but I was too busy to call her back but I did talk to her at Church. It seems that there has been an on going problem for a while. M has not wanted to go to church for a while. She gets very emotional about it and wants to attend church with her friend. I have let her go once a month but have been making her go to our church the rest of the time. After finding our about the disagreement it has given me a different insight on M not wanting to go to Church. The problem is not resolved but I pray they are on the mend.
Life with Cl has been it's usual ups and down. He has done really well during school. Christmas break has not been too bad but I have had to keep him really busy. He and I went shopping for 3 days straight. His new obsession is hot wheels. He has 50 of them. He bought them all in 3 days. He loves getting money and gift cards for Christmas. It was fun. He took me out to eat the first day at Freddie's. He asked me what I wanted to eat before we went in and he ordered for me. It was really cute. He likes being a big boy. He is getting really stressed about Jr High. He keeps wanting to talk about it but I really do not have any answers for him until me have the meeting. I pretty sure it will be in January.
C is getting excited about graduating. I have been talking to him about maybe working on a different path instead of pre-med. I don't want to discourage him from his desire to be a doctor but I know how difficult it will be for him in college. Butler Co. has a fire fighter program and he could still work with people and help people. He could go on and get his EMT license which will be more medical. I am really praying for his future. I am hoping that he will take a class this semester so he can get a taste of college life.
R just took the ACT. She did really well for only being 15 and not even half way thru Junior year. She will take it again probably this summer. She is ready to start looking at colleges. It is really hard on me to think about her leaving home. She is my right hand. She has a special touch with Cl that the rest of the kids don't have. She just got home from a retreat and had an awesome time. She is really on fire for the Lord and I am loving it.
As this year comes to end I look back and see that even though it has been a rough year in a lot of ways there has been a lot of blessings. It is amazing to see how my kids have grown and how fast 18 years have passed with C. I continue to learn from my kids especially Cl and he has taught me the importance for not worrying about our the little things in life and just to focus on people and relationships. He has shown me how important it is to live life day by day. Having a child with a disability has been the hardest thing I have ever experienced but it has also been one of my biggest blessings.
So as this year comes to an end I pray that I can continue to learn from my children and grow in the love of Christ.
Happy 2010
Today was an interesting day my 14 year old had a meeting with the youth pastor and another girl at our church. I did not realize there was a problem between the two of them until last Sunday. The girls mom called me to talk about it but I was too busy to call her back but I did talk to her at Church. It seems that there has been an on going problem for a while. M has not wanted to go to church for a while. She gets very emotional about it and wants to attend church with her friend. I have let her go once a month but have been making her go to our church the rest of the time. After finding our about the disagreement it has given me a different insight on M not wanting to go to Church. The problem is not resolved but I pray they are on the mend.
Life with Cl has been it's usual ups and down. He has done really well during school. Christmas break has not been too bad but I have had to keep him really busy. He and I went shopping for 3 days straight. His new obsession is hot wheels. He has 50 of them. He bought them all in 3 days. He loves getting money and gift cards for Christmas. It was fun. He took me out to eat the first day at Freddie's. He asked me what I wanted to eat before we went in and he ordered for me. It was really cute. He likes being a big boy. He is getting really stressed about Jr High. He keeps wanting to talk about it but I really do not have any answers for him until me have the meeting. I pretty sure it will be in January.
C is getting excited about graduating. I have been talking to him about maybe working on a different path instead of pre-med. I don't want to discourage him from his desire to be a doctor but I know how difficult it will be for him in college. Butler Co. has a fire fighter program and he could still work with people and help people. He could go on and get his EMT license which will be more medical. I am really praying for his future. I am hoping that he will take a class this semester so he can get a taste of college life.
R just took the ACT. She did really well for only being 15 and not even half way thru Junior year. She will take it again probably this summer. She is ready to start looking at colleges. It is really hard on me to think about her leaving home. She is my right hand. She has a special touch with Cl that the rest of the kids don't have. She just got home from a retreat and had an awesome time. She is really on fire for the Lord and I am loving it.
As this year comes to end I look back and see that even though it has been a rough year in a lot of ways there has been a lot of blessings. It is amazing to see how my kids have grown and how fast 18 years have passed with C. I continue to learn from my kids especially Cl and he has taught me the importance for not worrying about our the little things in life and just to focus on people and relationships. He has shown me how important it is to live life day by day. Having a child with a disability has been the hardest thing I have ever experienced but it has also been one of my biggest blessings.
So as this year comes to an end I pray that I can continue to learn from my children and grow in the love of Christ.
Happy 2010
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Spring Break and test scores
Well I am finally feeling better. I am not coughing too much anymore and glad to have most of my energy back. Especially since it is spring break and Clay is home from school for 10 days. 7 more to go. He had us put two fake nails on him today. Morgan had a couple of friends over and they put fake nails on so he wanted a couple. LOL
A friend from co-op shared with me that her 18 year old daughter moved in with her 26 year old boy friend. She of course is devastated. She has been on my mind ever since her mom shared with me. I had talked to this girl before about some choices she was making and I shared with her how as a teenager I made some poor choices and I just prayed that she would seek the Lord before she did anything. She told me over and over again how she could not wait until she was 18 so that she could do whatever she wanted to do. It just breaks my heart.
Cole got his test results back from the ACT. He did not do well at all. He has such a poor attitude about it. He just keeps on saying "well I can take it as many times as I want" I hope that it will sink in that he needs to be serious about it and buckle down and study and also he needs to take advantage of the accommodations that I got him and not try to prove that he can do everything at the same pace that others can. He is just not serious about anything except world of warcraft. He seems to have a lot of ambitions in life but has no clue how much work and determination it is going to take him to achieve his goals. I want so much for him to do well in school and life but I am having a really hard time with it because he seems to not even want to put forth any effort.
A friend from co-op shared with me that her 18 year old daughter moved in with her 26 year old boy friend. She of course is devastated. She has been on my mind ever since her mom shared with me. I had talked to this girl before about some choices she was making and I shared with her how as a teenager I made some poor choices and I just prayed that she would seek the Lord before she did anything. She told me over and over again how she could not wait until she was 18 so that she could do whatever she wanted to do. It just breaks my heart.
Cole got his test results back from the ACT. He did not do well at all. He has such a poor attitude about it. He just keeps on saying "well I can take it as many times as I want" I hope that it will sink in that he needs to be serious about it and buckle down and study and also he needs to take advantage of the accommodations that I got him and not try to prove that he can do everything at the same pace that others can. He is just not serious about anything except world of warcraft. He seems to have a lot of ambitions in life but has no clue how much work and determination it is going to take him to achieve his goals. I want so much for him to do well in school and life but I am having a really hard time with it because he seems to not even want to put forth any effort.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
The Flu and Clay
The last few days have been very tough and emotional for me. On top of having the flu Clay has had a couple of difficult days in school. They are testing this week (reading) I guess I did not understand that he would not be tested at all. I thought that he would be tested with a one on one situation. He came home from school on Monday in a bad mood and told me that he spent the day with a teacher, he does not even know that well, and they played board games. Okay well I decided not to get too upset about just one day wasted, but when he came home on Tuesday and told me the same thing I was upset. To top that off one leg of his pants (the inside) was covered with blood. Clay is a picker. Not just like normal kids who pick off scabs he picks for the same reason that teens cut. It is a release for him. He can't stop until he is bleeding and he has a very high tolerance for pain.
This morning I decided to keep him home. He was running a really low grade fever (whose to say that is not from the sores he has caused up and down his legs) I emailed his special ed teacher, the school counselor, his case manager and the principle of his school to let them know about the picking. Clay's picking has been very sever at times and until about a little over a year ago I did not realize how serious it was. His teacher email me back, I could tell she was upset with my email, but I appreciated her getting back with me. She told me when he is with her she controls the situation. This is an ongoing problem with Ms. Zenner (his special ed teacher) she can control him and he works great for her and very rarely has problems with her. I am sure you are wondering why this is a problem, well the problem comes when she is not with him. We have been pushing for a behavior plan for a year now and the school is still dragging it's feet. His case manager is so on the same page with us on this. She has talked to Ms Zenner about it a couple of times and gets the same resistance.
Then this afternoon I got a packet in the mail from the SCDDO (Sedgwick County Developmental Disabled Organization). Clay has qualified for long term resources. Even though this is what we want (because we know that we need to have those in place before he is a young adult) it is really hard to read yet again from another independent psychiatrist that your child is labeled as MR/DD (mentally retarded and developmentally delayed).
God grant me the patients, love, mercy and grace to show others that you continue to show me day after day, hour after hour, minute after minute.
This morning I decided to keep him home. He was running a really low grade fever (whose to say that is not from the sores he has caused up and down his legs) I emailed his special ed teacher, the school counselor, his case manager and the principle of his school to let them know about the picking. Clay's picking has been very sever at times and until about a little over a year ago I did not realize how serious it was. His teacher email me back, I could tell she was upset with my email, but I appreciated her getting back with me. She told me when he is with her she controls the situation. This is an ongoing problem with Ms. Zenner (his special ed teacher) she can control him and he works great for her and very rarely has problems with her. I am sure you are wondering why this is a problem, well the problem comes when she is not with him. We have been pushing for a behavior plan for a year now and the school is still dragging it's feet. His case manager is so on the same page with us on this. She has talked to Ms Zenner about it a couple of times and gets the same resistance.
Then this afternoon I got a packet in the mail from the SCDDO (Sedgwick County Developmental Disabled Organization). Clay has qualified for long term resources. Even though this is what we want (because we know that we need to have those in place before he is a young adult) it is really hard to read yet again from another independent psychiatrist that your child is labeled as MR/DD (mentally retarded and developmentally delayed).
God grant me the patients, love, mercy and grace to show others that you continue to show me day after day, hour after hour, minute after minute.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Tooth, Nose and Woes
Okay it has been a while since I have had time to post. Clay is doing well this week. He will be taking his first standardized testing next week. He is taking an alternate assessment (his teacher will read it all to him and he has 5 days to take it instead of 1). It should be interesting to see how he does. He probably will do great on the comprehension he is really strong in it.
Cole finished his ACT today. I think he was very happy to get it over with. I know I was glad for him. He is not sure how he did. I am just proud of him for having the gusto to work on it at home to prepare.
For me I have an abscessed tooth. To top that off I am going to have to have my first root canal and two crowns. Yuck. I really hate the dentist. But I know I need to have it done. The dentist gave me Lortab and I am really feeling fuzzy today but not in pain. I also had a thing removed off my nose yesterday. It has been there for several years but has really been bothering me the last year. This is the third one I have had removed the other two were benine I am sure this one will be too. Our dishwasher broke last week. I am really missing it. Aren't we spoiled with all our convienceses?
My biggest woe is a good friend who has really upset me. I guess she has been upset with me for a couple of weeks because she called and I did not call her back. I guess I am not really upset about it but more bothered. I remember when Morgan told me she called but I did not have time that day to talk and the next day was the day I put my dad in the hospital. I tried to explain to her about my dad and Clay and everything but she told me that I was a failure as a friend. It reminded me of Jr High. I really wanted to say I have been thru JH once, brought 2 kids thru it and am in the middle of it with #3. Been there done that and I do not want to do it again. This is not the first time that she has gotten upset with me over what I call JH stuff. I have tried to explain to her my desire to focus on my family and that this season in life puts them in the center of my life and that is about all I have time for but she just does not seem to get it. I know that God will provide a clear answer because the Bible tells me so.
Cole finished his ACT today. I think he was very happy to get it over with. I know I was glad for him. He is not sure how he did. I am just proud of him for having the gusto to work on it at home to prepare.
For me I have an abscessed tooth. To top that off I am going to have to have my first root canal and two crowns. Yuck. I really hate the dentist. But I know I need to have it done. The dentist gave me Lortab and I am really feeling fuzzy today but not in pain. I also had a thing removed off my nose yesterday. It has been there for several years but has really been bothering me the last year. This is the third one I have had removed the other two were benine I am sure this one will be too. Our dishwasher broke last week. I am really missing it. Aren't we spoiled with all our convienceses?
My biggest woe is a good friend who has really upset me. I guess she has been upset with me for a couple of weeks because she called and I did not call her back. I guess I am not really upset about it but more bothered. I remember when Morgan told me she called but I did not have time that day to talk and the next day was the day I put my dad in the hospital. I tried to explain to her about my dad and Clay and everything but she told me that I was a failure as a friend. It reminded me of Jr High. I really wanted to say I have been thru JH once, brought 2 kids thru it and am in the middle of it with #3. Been there done that and I do not want to do it again. This is not the first time that she has gotten upset with me over what I call JH stuff. I have tried to explain to her my desire to focus on my family and that this season in life puts them in the center of my life and that is about all I have time for but she just does not seem to get it. I know that God will provide a clear answer because the Bible tells me so.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Back to school and just life
Clay went back to school today. Last night he was stressed. He kept telling me he had food poisoning. And then he scratched himself with something all over his chest and stomach and told me it was a rash (which he gets often). But this morning other than waking up early and wanting alot of attention he was okay. He told me Ms. Z (special Ed teacher) would give him the talk. I ask he what the talk was he said it was the Suspension Talk. I asked him what it was he looked at me and said I don't know this is the first time I have been suspended duh!!! LOL
Cole is in the middle of taking his ACT. He got special testing because of his sever dyslexia. He will take the math part on Friday and finish the rest next Wednesday. We need to buckle down and study. He has been doing really well working on it but, now that life is a little back to normal (what is normal I am not sure) we can really work on it.
Clay's community worker told me last week that the teachers at his school thought I was a pushover with him. It really upset me. It is just so different at home than it is at school. At school he has so many resources at home he has 3 teenage sibilings and a mom who tries her best, but does not want to make everything a battle. I did make him go the the Rebound program yesterday. He was not too happy about it but I told him if they called me and told me he had coorperated that I would pick him up early. He was a perfect little gentleman they told me. :)
God continues to show me what a need there is for education of not only students but teachers and administrators too when it comes to kids with neurological deficits. Just because a child "looks normal" does not mean that there are no problems. And I am just not sure what kindof education they get on the multiple problems that can occur. Someday I would like to be able to use my experience to help other families in similar situations.
Cole is in the middle of taking his ACT. He got special testing because of his sever dyslexia. He will take the math part on Friday and finish the rest next Wednesday. We need to buckle down and study. He has been doing really well working on it but, now that life is a little back to normal (what is normal I am not sure) we can really work on it.
Clay's community worker told me last week that the teachers at his school thought I was a pushover with him. It really upset me. It is just so different at home than it is at school. At school he has so many resources at home he has 3 teenage sibilings and a mom who tries her best, but does not want to make everything a battle. I did make him go the the Rebound program yesterday. He was not too happy about it but I told him if they called me and told me he had coorperated that I would pick him up early. He was a perfect little gentleman they told me. :)
God continues to show me what a need there is for education of not only students but teachers and administrators too when it comes to kids with neurological deficits. Just because a child "looks normal" does not mean that there are no problems. And I am just not sure what kindof education they get on the multiple problems that can occur. Someday I would like to be able to use my experience to help other families in similar situations.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Teenagers and blessings
Okay now I officially have two teenager drivers. I remember the days when I use to joke about having 3 teenagers. I just never imagined that it would come so fast. I can't believe that my babies are almost grown up. These are the days that I really cherish Clay and the fact that he is so innocent and that even at almost 11 he loves his Mommy and prefers her over anyone else. One of the many benefits of Autism.
Riley was so excited about getting her license. I guess now I am going to have to teach her to drive.
We went shopping today for dresses for their formal "party" tomorrow night. They both look so grown up. Cole got a new suit jacket and shirt and tie. They will look awesome tomorrow night.
Riley was so excited about getting her license. I guess now I am going to have to teach her to drive.
We went shopping today for dresses for their formal "party" tomorrow night. They both look so grown up. Cole got a new suit jacket and shirt and tie. They will look awesome tomorrow night.
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